Receiving feedback can be challenging for anyone, but for those with ADHD, the experience can be particularly intense due to a phenomenon known as Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD).
RSD is an intense emotional response to criticism. It can cause us to feel as though the feedback as a personal attack on our character. These powerful feelings combined with ADHD impulsivity can lead us to react in ways might we later regret when we have a clearer headspace.
If you're an ADHDer that struggles with receiving feedback, consider these 5 steps to accept criticism without RSD...
1. Remind yourself that you are physically safe in this moment.
Our emotionally driven responses are automatically triggered by fight or flight in order to keep ourselves safe. In these moments, it can help to remind your body that there is nothing threatening to physically harm you right now.
Take a moment to ground yourself by noticing your surroundings. Feel your feet on the ground, take in the sights and sounds around you, and remind your body that there is no physical danger. This can help calm the initial surge of anxiety and allows us to move forward in approaching the feedback with a clearer mind.
2. Give yourself permission to step away, feel, and recover before evaluating
Allow yourself to be excused from the situation and step away before reacting. This isn’t about avoiding the feedback, but about creating a space where you can process your emotions without feeling overwhelmed.
Let the other person know you need a moment to gather your thoughts.
3. Pause, breathe, and identify your feelings before moving forward
Negative feelings are trying to tell us something. Hear them out before trying to move on. When receiving feedback, take a moment to pause and breathe deeply. This helps slow down our racing thoughts and calms the nervous system, making it easier to identify emotions.
Ask yourself, “What do I feel right now?”. We might feel talked down to, misunderstood, offended, hurt, or ignored. Recognizing and naming these emotions is the first step to managing them.
By understanding what we’re feeling, we better address the root of our emotional responses, rather than being swept away by them.
4. Ask for clarification and examples
Feedback can be vague or unclear, leading to misunderstandings that exacerbate RSD. Ask for clarification and specific examples of what the other person is referring to. This not only helps you understand the feedback more clearly but also shifts the focus from personal criticism to constructive dialogue.
For instance, if someone says, “You need to be more focused in meetings,” you could ask, “Can you give me an example of when I wasn’t focused, and what I could have done differently?” This approach not only helps you understand the feedback better but also demonstrates your willingness to improve. It turns the conversation into a problem-solving session, which can feel less personal and more productive.
5. Imagine yourself as a reporter evaluating a third person story
One effective strategy to distance yourself emotionally from the feedback is to imagine that you’re a reporter evaluating a third-person story. This mental shift can help you analyze the situation more objectively, reducing the intensity of your emotional response.
Pretend that you’re reporting on someone else receiving the same feedback. What advice would you give them? How would you interpret the feedback if it wasn’t directed at you? This exercise can help you step back from the emotional impact and view the feedback as a neutral observer. It allows you to focus on the content of the feedback rather than getting caught up in the feelings it stirs up.
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Deep Breaths,
Coach Brooke
