When in relationships with ADHDers, romantic or platonic, it can sometimes seem like we're invested all or nothing - no in between. Either we're obsessed with a person and give them heaps of attention or it seems like we've entirely erased their existence from our memory.
So is this a selfish fault of our character and a lack of empathy, true love, and care for others or are there deeper reasons behind this behavior?
Hyperfixations with People
There's no denying that most any relationship is exciting when it first starts! There's so much to discover about the person and we get so much dopamine from being around them.
ADHD brains are always on the hunt for novelty, so our new relationships can be intense at first. That is, as long as they keep up with us and stay in our present...
Object Permanence
ADHDers can struggle to stay connected with people that do not exist in our immediate present. This is because ADHD brains have “now or never” thinking due to poor object permanence.
Unfortunately, if they're not keeping up with my current spontaneous adventures, they're not staying in my immediate present thoughts.
Time Blindness
ADHD brains struggle with time blindness. When it comes to relationships, this means that we have a difficult time judging how long ago we spoke or hung out with someone.
Combined with our poor object permanence, we can accidentally go for months without contacting them!
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
Rejection sensitive dysphoria is an extreme emotional sensitivity to real or perceived criticism and rejection.
After we realize how disconnected we feel and how much time has passed, we might end up feeling rejected by the other person! (Even if we were the ones who created the distance on accident)
We might wonder, "How could they forget to text me all this time too??"
Do ADHDers ACTUALLY Not Miss People?
Of course ADHDers DO genuinely miss and care about people. There are just situations due to our ADHD symptoms that can make it seem otherwise. We might need to take extra care to stay in contact with the people who truly matter to us.
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Talk Later ;)
Coach Brooke
